OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
