He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
