dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
