I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
BRING THE BAGELS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
