The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
