she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love you. Go after that dick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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