just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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