you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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