bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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