Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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