You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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