Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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