ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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