a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
