Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
