Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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