You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
