grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
