This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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