Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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