he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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