I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
