We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
