Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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