Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
