$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
