matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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