In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
