The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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