I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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