I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
