after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize