I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
