i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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