Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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