There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
