He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
