just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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