so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
