My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize