I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
