I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had sex on a dog bed..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
