we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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