Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
