No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
