I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
