next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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