We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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