we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
