my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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