very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My feet surprised me
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