does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
