so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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