I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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