Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
