who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
