And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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