hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
