i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
